Karma. It Really Is a Bitch

About 7:30 yesterday morning I got a call from Whori's husband letting me know he was flying in that day to get her and take her home. She'd let him know she'd changed her mind. LCB was devastated. Unfortunately, my almost two-decade history with him prevents me from actually laughing. How lovely that he can be that devastated by the disintegration of such a short "relationship" and not by our 17-year marriage. 

I painted the kitchen. Looks great. I'll tackle the living room tomorrow. Physical labor is a great form of therapy. :-)

Merry Christmas, My Friends!

I expected yesterday and today to be difficult. They weren't. I've actually had one of the best Christmases I've had in years. DD and I are all about making new traditions this year. Last night, about 9:00, we went on a light hunt. Light hunts are a Christmas tradition for DD and me since she was just a tiny little thing, but last night was the first one we've done on Christmas Eve. I'm sure it's obvious what that is, but just in case, I'll explain. We simply drive around and look for Christmas lights. Last night's hunt went on for more than an hour and we were both content to simply be together and enjoy multi-colored lights like two little kids. :-) For the past 17 years, our usual Christmas Eve dinner has been pepperoni pizza (that was a change from my childhood in which we always had clam chowder). Well, we decided to have white chili instead, and it was a lovely change.

Another new thing for us: we waited until this morning to open presents. This is the first time in 52 years that I haven't opened presents on Christmas Eve, and it felt good to change it up. After opening presents (oh, and the first time in many years I've had more than one present to open and not known what I was getting! My girl did a great job picking out meaningful gifts--she knows me so well), we got ourselves ready and drove across town to the Loaves and Fishes Meals on Wheels Belmont Center to deliver meals to homebound seniors. Wow. What a great experience! We both loved it and look forward to doing it again. I'm so proud of my girl.

Let's reverse for just a second. My sweet girl picked out some beautiful Swarovski chrystal penguins for me and wrote "Ode to Mother" in her Creative Writing class which she included with the gift (complete with a graphic of mother and baby penguins; apparently penguin mommies are great mothers :-)). Here's the ode. Yes, my heart filled right up and I cried when I read it. And, notice the appropriately hyphenated compound adjective "mother-daughter." That's my girl!

Ode to Mother

Keeping me sane

Your undying love comforting my dreams

Trusting and understanding

Oh, how you make me feel loved

The mother-daughter relationship is strong,

But our friendship is like no other

You are absolute perfection

Loving me no matter the roadblock

Even if father doesn’t understand, you do

Topping my intelligence by a lifetime

You are my best friend

Guiding my way past the pain

You are everything a daughter could ask for

Making up for his absence

Don’t be sorry, don’t cry,

He is never worth your pain

Just you and me now

We are the perfect team

Keeping me sane

Comforting my dreams

I love you

As my friends, you already know that my biggest concern is how DD is doing and whether I'm helping or hindering her making it through this with as little trauma as possible. Does she have a way with words or what? Tears in my eyes again.

So, it's been a lovely Christmas and I'm happy to say there's an end in sight. LCB and I have reached a settlement agreement--he reneged and then a couple days ago apologized for being such an ass (his words) and the deal is back on. His attorney is writing it up and should get it to my attorney the 3rd or 4th. If we stay on track, I should be a single woman by the end of March and financially detached from him by the end of April. That's right: no spousal support. No child support either, but he's the one who's got to live with that one. So, I'm sleeping again and looking forward to the passage of the next few months. We'll see if he sticks to it (yes, I made him sign it). I'm not holding my breath, but I'm hopeful.

Thank you, again, for the emotional support, for being an ear when I need one, for caring about my pain. I'm coming out the other side and optimistic about my future. Oh, and I'm painting the living room, kitchen and downstairs bathroom this week. Change is good.

Sorry for the break!

Okay, ladies. My apologies for letting so much time pass since my last post. Today is, as my friend Tiffiny pointed out, a milestone. It's exactly three months since LCB walked out the door. I expected today to be like any other, so imagine my surprise when it ended up being one of the most difficult days I've had in at least six weeks. I'm feeling a bit blindsided. Sigh.

Since I last posted, LCB has gone from being somewhat civil to totally vicious to really nice. How's that for consistency? Ha. I've been called--brace yourself--a pig, fat, a failure, a drunk, a drug user, an unfit mother, and he dug as low as he could go and called me a child molester. I must admit I have been shocked by his behavior. These names were all in response to the settlement offer I mentioned in my last couple of posts. I'm thinking he was insulted by it. Anyway, I made another settlement offer about a week and a half ago, significantly upping it, and he found that insulting as well. Oh, and I feel really, really good about this: he apologized for all the names he called me and told me he knows they aren't true. It was very meaningful to me. What a schmuck! I've never understood people who think they can say whatever they want and then apologize for it. The damage is done.

LCB is taking DD out to dinner tonight. P.F. Chang's was DD's choice; since it's the first time in three months her father's made any effort to spend time with her, I'm thinking she should get to eat where ever she'd like. My youngest stepdaughter is meeting them there. She hasn't seen him since Father's Day. She came here for Thanksgiving (we had a great time, BTW). She also offered once again to have a chat with judge on my behalf. I'll talk with my attorney--we may just take her up on that.

Anyway, when LCB picked up DD this evening, he told me he needs access to information he used to have access to. What do you mean by that, says I. Your 401k and stuff, says he. I let him know the court will require me to provide that information. I don't see my giving it to him any sooner than I need to. He also complained that I never leave him room in the driveway. Don't see that happening anytime soon either. :-)

The magical time has passed and I now have the money for my attorney's retainer and an appointment at the end of the week. I guess I'll find out then how long it takes to actually file and serve the papers after I give him the go-ahead, which will be on Friday.


LCB is coming over tomorrow to get some more of the equipment he needs for his business. I'm so not looking forward to that. Wish me luck. 


Cheers.

He Actually Showed Some Spine! Who Knew?

It didn't go well with S. He is determined to get half my retirement and stock and also wants spousal support. I guess there's no pride there. So, it looks like this will be more expensive than I'd hoped. He even said he's going to "make a list of all your responsibilities that you didn't fulfill." By that he means I didn't clean and cook enough. What is this...1950?  Gee, one would think being the breadwinner for the family might be the main focus for me since he wasn't fulfilling "his responsibilities" by bringing home the bacon. Ah well. My attorney said he can definitely make a case that S isn't entitled to half of my retirement and stock since he didn't contribute as one would expect a stay-at-home spouse to contribute. 


S has now completely abandoned DD and in his deluded thinking is justified in doing so since he perceives that I'm "turning her against him." Paranoia reigns supreme. 

I should have the money for my attorney's retainer pulled together in about five or six weeks and will very happily give him instructions to serve the papers. 


On a happier note, DD is taking photography and is sooooo excited about it. Last night she set up some candles and did some experimenting with long exposures. It was so much fun to watch her get all excited about the results. Ah, my mama-heart is just bursting.


That's it for now. I'm looking forward to my weekend. Yay! I love you girls! :-)





Weight loss to date on the my-husband's-a-lying-cheating-bastard diet: 21 pounds. How do you like me now? ;-)

Tomorrow's the Day

Okay, I've gone through all the bills, I've written a proposal for a settlement and I've asked S to talk tomorrow. Silly boy, he thinks he's coming over to discuss open enrollment for my benefits plan at work.

Wish me luck.



Weight loss to date on the my-husband's-a-lying-cheating-bastard diet: 20 pounds. How do you like me now? ;-)

Wow. This is News!

I had my second attorney consultation this afternoon. The first one was last week and I walked away feeling not at all confident in the attorney. This time, however, I felt like this guy really knows what he's doing and he has the experience to back it up. So, he started by letting me know that he was there to answer all my questions and that, hopefully, I would leave feeling at least a little bit better than I felt walking in. Well, that may have been the best $50 I've spent in my entire life! :D

Ken let me know that not only should I NOT be paying S and his slut's rent (and that no one in his right mind would expect me to be paying it!) but that HE should be paying half the mortgage and other joint bills. Well, how 'bout dat?!? I know, I know, all of my girlfriends have been telling me for weeks that I'm crazy to continue putting $$ in the joint account, but I just couldn't bring myself to completely cut him off. Yes, there's 17 years of history. Anyway, I've already moved my paycheck to my personal account and now I'll take over paying the bills and he can figure out how he's going to pay his rent. As Ken said, maybe he should get an income. LOL.

There were other revelations during the consultation, but that one was, by far, the  best news. So, payday is this week, so I'll have to let S know the news and, yes, he'll be very angry, but that's life. You're 52 years old and you chose this. I didn't. There are consequences in this life. 

On another topic, we got a cat about six years ago because we had a mouse problem in our old house. We'd tried everything to get rid of them, but finally had to get a cat. Enter McGonagal (Maggie for short). She took care of the problem post haste.  But, S bitched about her for six years. Well, he is allergic to cats, I'll give him that. A little cathartic move on DD's on my part: we adopted Kevin today. He's totally awesome. And gorgeous. And sweet. And lovable. Check him out:

Ah. Sweet boy.

Just a Note

This one will be short and sweet, but I just wanted to do a shout out to my dear, wonderful, incredibly strong, beautiful girlfriends...Heather, Cheryl, Dita, Christine, and Susan. You've each had a ready ear for my venting over the past month, and I can't tell you how that's helped me!


I spent a few hours with Heather and Cheryl tonight, and, ladies, your company and comments were a balm to my soul. I love you!


Off to bed. I'll try to revisit this weekend. But, I do have acupuncture and I'm making drapes and sorting through some of S's stuff to get it out of my house. It's going to be a busy weekend. Yay!