Restarting @ 52: NOW he's interested in counseling???

So, S and I had our session with DD's counselor this afternoon. There were several topics of note. First of all, it was all quite civil. That's just how we tend to do things. Though, at one point I commented that I've lost 14 pounds and looked at him and asked "do you want to know what I named my diet?" He said, "What? The Divorce Diet." I just laughed and said, "No, the my-husband's-a-lying-cheating-bastard diet." I can get snarky. He laughed though, which didn't surprise me because he does have a good sense of humor. But, that really is the name of my diet. Ask any of my friends. They'll tell you. LOL

The first think S said that floored me and that I believe will be good for my healing process was, "I know I've done J a terrible, horrible wrong." There's nothing earth shattering there--he HAS done me a terrible, horrible wrong. What floored me was that he said it to another person. He told me he's wronged me, but to hear him say to someone else was good.

Another item of note was that he indicated an interest in counseling. Seriously??? Now, I'm not a naggy wife in any sense of the word (I guess I should start getting used to referring to the "wife era" of my life in the past tense), but I have suggested on occasion the last 14 or 15 years that S would get a lot out of counseling. All I've ever heard in response is either laughter or his laundry list of why counselors are relatively useless, even when I was mental health therapist. Whatever. After the session, I asked him about it and he said he was serious that he'd like to get some help. Is it bad that that makes me angry? I really do think he would get a lot out of it and that it would help him with his depression and dealing with some things in his past that he's never really dealt with in any serious or in depth way. But, why now? Has this ho made him think clearly all of a sudden? Is she worth dealing with his issues--and I wasn't? It just pisses me off that he'll do something now that he's always been firmly against--something that would have been good for our family. Ah well. I don't want him back even if he actually gets his $hit together emotionally, but it still pisses me off. I'm entitled.

I was pretty amazed to hear him talk about his relationship with DD. He told the counselor that she's angry with him now but that previous to his abandoning his family for a ho (my words, not his ;-)), they had a good relationship...they talked, and joked, and went places like the zoo together. Wow. He completely forgot the part about how they haven't gone to the zoo or anyplace else for, gosh, I'm thinking at least a year, that he's yelled at her several times even though she's not a kid that needs to be yelled at (she's always responded to just a look--yell at this girl and you damage her) and she's scared of him and always, always afraid of setting him off, and that she spends every night up in her room and rarely ventures downstairs. Well, she does now--now she spends pretty much every evening downstairs. Shame on me for not leaving him! Sheesh.

I think I've talked about this as much as I--or anyone else for that matter--can take at this point. Thanks for sticking with me this far. :-)

Tomorrow's my first counseling session. I'm looking forward to it. Her name is Stacey. Though my biggest focus right now is my darling daughter (DD, you know), I need some me time, too. I'm thinking I can talk with Stacey about how to get through this whole thing with my sanity intact and not having cut S off at the knees.

And, I made an appointment with our on-site massage therapist. His first opening is Oct 13, but I'm sure my shoulders will still be in knots then.

Here are a couple pics of DD from vacation. What a sweetie.